Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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