How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
