She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
