so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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