Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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