I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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