please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
