i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
