I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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