I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Bring me that man meat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
