i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
