I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I could fuck to npr.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
