I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
