i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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