Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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