You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
