a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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