I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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