guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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