sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
