Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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