turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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