i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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