i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
