Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
