I think I died a long time ago.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
