We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
