all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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