Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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