Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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