Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
