The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
