I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everclear isn't food dammit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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