evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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