the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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