I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
