porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
