Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
