Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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