3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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