some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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