It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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