i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
