I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
