Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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