we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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