At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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