Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
