I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hello my rib-scented angel!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
