My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
